Collecting Back the Lost Bits of My Mind
As adulthood dawns upon us, we step forward in life, chasing our passions, pursuing financial stability, seeking a career path, and establishing ourselves as social beings.
I started my journey into adulthood 8 years ago when I left my hometown for a job in a bigger city. At first, it didn’t feel like anything. I was so engrossed in my job that I forgot to take a pause and realize that I had entered a new sphere of life. There was something I left behind, and something new awaited me.
I didn’t take time to realize what I left behind. It was my peace of mind.
From one place to another, from one job to another, from one city to another, the relentless process kept me so occupied that I couldn’t pause to see that there were pieces of me that I was losing along the way. The pieces of me that I want to gain back to feel whole again.
Leaving Home
The first significant change in my life was when I left home. I was in the second year of my master’s degree when I moved to a different city for my job. While pursuing my master’s through distance education, I actively searched for a job and successfully secured one. I joined, within a span of two days.
The bus ride to this new city was uneventful. Strangely enough, I didn’t cry or get sad leaving home behind. I had nothing in my mind but the thoughts of the future and a little bit of anxiety. My parents were sad watching me leave, but somehow I lacked that sentiment. I realize now that maybe the feeling of newness excited and scared me so much that I didn’t process the fact that this was it – my big move in life. From that point on, there was no looking back.
I did my schooling and graduation from my hometown and moving away for work was an entirely new experience. Initially, I would visit my hometown every weekend, without fail. However, fast forward to 2023, it has been a stretch of 5-6 months since my last visit. And my hometown is just a 2-hour drive from here.
While seeking a career path was eventually part of the plan, in this chase, I lost my hometown, my home, my life there, the little things I enjoyed there, the vibe, the sunsets, and the familiar roads and streets.
Losing Myself to Work
Work started in 2015 and hasn’t stopped since then.
I chose a career in writing because writing was my passion and I got to write books, stories, and blogs for different clients in my first job. I loved it! I would spend hours and hours researching, diving deeper into the topics I was writing about.
And then it wasn’t enough.
The job wasn’t good enough. The money wasn’t enough. The work was getting monotonous. So, I moved to a better job. Better money, better work, better team. However, within a week or so, it lost its charm too. I wasn’t enjoying working in this new environment.
I switched that job too and landed one where I still work. It was a great start and then it all slowed down. Yet, I got too comfortable in this job and you can say I am stuck in it, for no reason. Plus, after COVID-19, I am working from home, which has stolen the charms of working from me. I am working just to work, doing the work but not with the zeal and passion that I once worked with.
On top of that, the technical side of writing, the marketing copies, the SEO blogs, and stuff like that, have chased away my passion for writing. For me now, writing is like filling the gaps, typing the words, and getting it over with because there are deadlines, client requirements, project plans, and whatnot.
The cost I paid for this was my creativity, my storytelling skills, and my passion for writing. For me, writing has become a pigeonhole and throughout these 8 years, while I became a professional writer with abundant experience, I lost my passion towards writing.
The Rat Race
I am a Capricorn, which is a blessing and a curse. Not that I try to read too much into it but there are some Capricorn traits that are frowned upon (even by Capricorns themselves). One of these traits is workaholism. Sometimes, we get over-ambitious and are always in the race of making money.
In my case, these traits are indeed there, ingrained in my personality. However, they don’t come from being a Capricorn (or at least I think so), but from a deeper place in my heart. I have this constant urge to do better than myself, to prove my worth and work hard. And in my books, I believe that making money has a lot to do with proving my worth. There is no reason for this notion but that’s how it is.
In this rat race, I am losing my peace, my sleep, and a little bit of my mind.
Finding Peace with Stack of Life (SOL)
Stack of Life is an idea that was seeded in my mind about 4 years ago. I knew if I ever start a blog, this will be the name I pick.
Stack of Life is a space I want to create for myself in which I can find the stacks of life, and try to collect the millions of little pieces I lost during my journey. SOL will be a part of my Soul, and I want to cherish everything I do here. I want to do everything with love here.
Get along with me on this journey of finding peace and pieces. Get along with me, if you too feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself chasing dreams, passions, money, and life. We might be very different people, all of us, but by and large we are living the same life, we are stuck in the same rut. And one thing that unites us is the chase for peace.
I will write about how I am trying to connect with myself again, how I am trying to find my inner peace again. I will write about life as it happens, about wellness, explorations, books, movies, and food.
I welcome you to this safe space. I welcome you to Stack of Life.
