My Experience at Vipassana, Dharamshala (Himachal Pradesh)
We’ve all been trying to escape something in life. When life gets real and you come face to face with the uncomfortable truths, you need a hideaway to deny it until you finally accept it. People do all sorts of things to find an escape, leave their routines behind, and get out of their shells. And I felt a strong urge to do the same in October of last year.
I was panicking; work was difficult, and I could smell layoffs from miles away, I couldn’t be productive anymore, and all I could do was feel anxious. I had bad mood swings, I would cry for no reason at all, and nothing was helping.
And then one day, my partner and I were talking at night when he asked me to go for a meditation retreat — Vipassana. It was not the first time we were discussing this but this time, he enrolled me into the earliest course, regardless of how reluctant I was. And I couldn’t be more thankful that he did.
Getting into Vipassana
Vipassana was my big escape! 12 days in isolation, meditating, and finding myself again. It was THE BREAK my mind and body were craving for. But then, nothing comes easy.
I told my managers at work that I needed a 12-day leave and I did it a month in advance. However, the leave wasn’t approved. After a few email battles, I became even more frustrated because they were not approving my leaves despite my several requests.
And I ultimately resigned.
Before I knew it, I was on my way to Vipassana with a feeling that was a mix of freedom and doubts. As I was approaching closer to the center, I felt a strong feeling of doubt surrounding me. Is it even worth it? Will I be able to finish the course? Will it actually help? I didn’t know anything. I didn’t read anything about it — only the rules I needed to follow.
Soon enough, it started!
Vipassana — Dhamma Sikhara (Dharamshala)
Visiting and participating in the Vipassana course was the highlight of my year 2023. It is safe to say that it was indeed a game changer!
We had to follow these five strict rules:
- No stealing.
- No killing.
- No lying.
- No sexual entertainment.
- No intoxicants.
These were the strict rules or Sheelas that needed to be followed throughout the 12-day course. While it didn’t seem like a challenge, the real challenges were:
- No talking or communicating
- No electronics or devices
- Sitting for almost 16 hours for meditation every day
- Waking up at 4 AM each morning
- Having our meals before 5 PM
We were completely cut off from the outer world and not allowed to cross the course boundary during these days. There were small rooms or cells given to each person and we had to spend our time in those rooms. The center is divided in two parts — one for male members and other for females — both strictly divided by boundaries.
Sounds almost like a jail, right? Well, you can say that. But I feel like rules are essential if you’re on a spiritual journey.
Because the world we live in has too many distractions — a little too many!
The Rollercoaster
I didn’t feel much during the first two days because I was curiously getting used to the system. I was full of energy to follow each and every rule with utmost dedication. However, on Day 3 it hit me — homesickness, the whats and the whys, the thoughts of running away, the feeling of not feeling well, and whatnot! I was uncomfortable, I cried my eyes out in the meditation hall that night.
Day 4 revived my will to survive because I was finally seeing some progress. I was experiencing the change in me. The thoughts started subsiding, the issues started resolving, my mind was at ease.
At the end of each day, we had a discourse session. At the beginning of each session, the screen flashed the number of the day. And it gave me a different kind of satisfaction.
Seeing the words Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, assured me I was making progress. I was surviving this odd lifestyle, I was finally inching closer to the end. And I will not deny it — I wanted it to end. But I also wanted to make the most of the peace and quiet I got, which (according to me) was a once-in-a lifetime opportunity!
The Hiccups
All by my lonesome
You feel alone in Vipassana . Even though I had a special person on the other side of the fence of this center, I still felt alone. As soon as it turned dark and I had to go back to my dingy room, the sadness and loneliness surrounded me. I fought with many dark thoughts during those dark and cold nights but somehow, I left them there on that unfamiliar pillow. They did not come along with me.
Bugs that Bug
There are insects. And I am very creeped out about them! (And remember? No Killing!) This center is based at the top of a lonely hill and is surrounded by lush greens. So, it is inevitable, there were bugs and they got into my bed. While they didn’t harm me in any way, I spent my nights scared and wrapped up like a burrito because I didn’t want anything to get inside my ears. Yikes!
Starvin’ Marvin
You’re not allowed to eat anything past the last meal of tea and snacks, and that’s at 5 PM. During the early days, the struggle was real. My stomach rumbled late at night, a little louder than the monkeys dancing on my tin roof. But soon enough my body adapted to it. And eventually, it felt great!
Homey Blues
I missed home. I missed my family and the idea of not being able to contact them made me restless during some nights. I was anxious and worried thinking about home. But during the course I managed to make peace with it!
Open Wounds
The bad, buried things in my heart and mind would prop up their heads at times during my meditation journey. One of my strongest feelings — fear was constantly lingering. It came up, took control of my body and mind, and then got out. Now that I think about it — I am not that fearful or worried anymore. I just had to get my hands dirty, sit with it, deal with it.
Bored to tears
The days are long and the meditation hours are longer. You don’t have anything to distract yourself from the boredom. While it’s a good thing and pretty much required for the setting, it gets to you. You feel tired and sleepy. The long hours of sitting may give you bad pains and aches. Your legs, back, and neck may make you cry a little. I resolved it by taking long walks within the premises. I had my smart watch and it helped me count my steps, which kept me a little cheered up.
Morning Alarms
Waking up at 4 AM felt soul-crushing in the beginning! The loud gong starts waking you up, followed by the chimes of bells rung by the Servers in front of your doors. WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHAT DID I SIGN UP FOR?! You may have these thoughts. But you will get accustomed to it soon. (I did).
The Takeaway
At Vipassana, you learn to meditate using a natural medium — your breath. And no, it’s not a breathwork technique. The guided meditation sessions, discussions with the teacher, and the discourse at the end of the day — all work together in helping you move forward in your spiritual journey. I experienced some things that are beyond explanation, some feelings that I cannot put into words. I got overwhelmed at some moments and felt light as a feather during others.
It takes you high and brings you down; all days are different, but you do make progress.
The course taught me these things that I took away from there:
Sabr. Patience is the key when you’re trying to seek answers. When you take baby steps towards your goals and keep patience and peace ignited in your mind, you will reach there fast. No amount of worry was gonna change whatever was about to happen. So, my fears and worries about everything and everyone being safe and healthy back home were futile. They did no good to me, only kept me up at nights.
We are suffering. We all are. I learned not to judge people based on their outer self. While it is still a work in progress because people do get on my nerves, I plan to keep this at the back of my mind all the time. I observed people break down, get overwhelmed, and get swept by their emotions during the course and it strangely gave me a feeling of oneness. We all have a lot in common and that comes from emotions. We all have things to deal with, emotions that eat us up, and the least we can do is make it easy for one another.
A 12-day session cannot fix up your entire existence. It requires continuous effort and while this session showed me a path, walking on it was difficult and will always be. I will always have to make time and move ahead if I want things to change. Again, gotta get your hands dirty, gotta be uncomfortable to feel at rest.
We all need a break. We don’t realize it but there are always voices in our heads — mostly negative. Vipassana helped me quiet those voices down and I could hear myself very clearly. Turns out, I am a peaceful and calm person overall. But the clutter of the outer world bothers me and makes me an irritable being at times. So, I strive to take such breaks now and then to stay sane and calm.
The verdict is — I loved it! My experience was bittersweet but so is life. I loved having done it, especially with my partner. I loved coming out stronger, peaceful, and sorted. While it faded away with time due to the transition back into the fast life, a part of it will always stay with me. The experience gave me a few things that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I collected some gems and I will always cherish and treasure them.
So, if 12 days could give me a life-altering experience, I think it’s totally worth the effort. If you’re planning to go — I think you totally should. Just put your heart into it and keep your will strong!
Explore for more: https://medini.dhamma.org/
Until next time!
Shefzy